2010: My year of big mistakes, difficult situations, rare life headaches, and hard truth. I’ve been more human this year that at any other time in my memory. Now, though not out of all its fixes, and perhaps because I’m still in them, I have an opportunity to change my future before it happens to me, and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
That’s what my Facebook status says right now (16:21pm). Why? because it’s true. I have been through (in all honesty, put myself through) a torrid year. I thank God for that. You see, I have never faced such multi-faceted consternation before, and I have survived. I’ve always thought that if I was ever led to feel suicidal, then I would have failed, even if I came out gloriously in the end. “Never let yourself to knocked down that minimum” is how you might put it. I never got there, so I succeeded.
I must look forward now. I must. And it will start with a few – yes – resolutions.
Hey, I don’t like the idea either, I’m just as sophisticated as you, you know: resolutions are unnecessary, resolutions are for all year round, resolutions are for the Christmas-crazy, resolutions are for little children, resolutions are girly (some have said, not me), and all that. I never do resolutions at the end of the year.
Okay I did. In 2008 I told myself I wanted to earn GHC 1000.00 at the close of 2010 all by myself. I did. A meagre ambition, but we start with the manageable, right? I also spent it all within that year. Don’t worry, it was worth it. I’m actually quite frugal.
So this year, my resolutions are necessary because I must become a different person. I have succeeded in cultivating formality, and politeness, and what might even be called chivalry (they say). I have succeeded in developing a hungry mind and the discipline to sustain arduous study, albeit by my own unconventional, yet highly profitable methods, and I have learned to rely on Divine Providence for the fruition of all of it.
But I am not yet a full person. I lack the human touch. I’m going to be brutally honest. I forget names, people altogether, I am dismissive of people I regard to be irrational or obstinately ignorant, and I immerse myself in too much that has to do with myself. I have also built great defences against what I perceive to be hormonal interruptions in the equilibrium of purpose and progress: emotions. I sleep well each night no matter what’s on my mind, and cannot be bothered past an hour by even the most heart-wrenching episodes of grief or pain (non-anatomical). The advantage has been a general, almost complete resolution of myself. Now I must step out of me and get to know you.
And everyone else, for that matter. I must grow. I need to become not only efficient at the task you assign me but reliable in the favours you ask me. I need to become not just forthcoming with the assistance you request but generous in offering my bounty to your aid. The department in need of the most change is my time. I love my time so mush and have used it to great personal, educational and professional advantage. Now I need to be able to spend an unscheduled two hours with someone just because they asked, without itching skin each passing minute.
It will not kill my productivity. Time rationing has become second nature, and I generally work fast, so those two hours won’t hurt.
So, my resolution, stands thus resolved: Open up, and let others in.
I intend to do this a number of ways, but I figure the best way to begin is to break my unspoken personal rules and CELEBRATE. You see, this means the company of people, or at least one other person. If I can go through celebrations without feeling the time fly by my skin like an inhesitant breeze, then’ I’m making progress.
So these holidays, God willing, will be different from any I have previously had. If you’re having a party, invite me. Given that you can adhere to a few organisational ground rules, I’ll pray for the strength and gaiety to attend. If you’re going on a trip and want a travelling companion, we’ll see. I’m making no promises.
I’m only informing the world, that for the first time in … ever, actually, my participation in the making of merriment has actually become a possibility.
Of course you must know that I’m not including the sinful pleasures of the flesh; discos, drugs, lasciviousness or any of that nonsense in the equation. I’m talking only to those good friends of mine who would have me at a wholesome Christian event, and wish I’d partake in the joy of the time. These know that I have already made some progress in this respect, and would be glad to hear that I have become open to further progress.
May the Lord keep us, and keep our feet from straying into the evil path, and may he replenish your time for reading my post, and may Heaven rejoice that we enter a new year growing ourselves, and becoming more able to win other human beings to Himself as a result.